Edit: I had to reread this because i rememebered, I had to redo this blog almost three times because Buzzen's a great server and there's nothing wrong with it at all. So, i left something rather important out. It's towards the bottom. Sorry for the late correction, this is the normal time or so I get off work and can be arsed to get on.
Pardon the font size, the default size makes me have to squint all the time, it's so tiny. This is an addendum to the Boswell Pass blog, actually the second one due to Buzzen having some sort of seizure and erasing everything i did halfway through the first time around. So, let's try this again, shall we?
To explain what happened tonight, I'll have to go a bit far back in time to when I first joined Gor, in MSN, back in the early 2000's before MSN went pay to chat. It might seem easy to be a Free Man, and it is once you've been taught. I say taught because men had to be taught how. Just having a penis didn't make you qualified. Thralls have them, afterall. Well, some do, and that's as far as I'm going there. It took more than gravity affecting you between the legs to be a Free Man. Back then, death happened on an almost daily basis. Raids were common, skirmishes and even just simple bar room brawls erupted at the drop of a hat, most of the time without the hat. Things were very tricky for a while, especially during the little fracas between Port Kar and Ko Ro Ba. I'm still not sure how that character back then survived it.
This doesn't happen now. Now, any random guy with that extra half pound of flesh can walk on in and say, "Hey, i have a penis, gimme a slave, attention preferably female, imaginary money to waste, and a home i can be lazy in, and i want it now!", and no one says anything because, and get this, it's important, EVERYONE BELIEVES HE IS A FREE MAN. Has he earned anything after just wandering in and making demands? Has he made anything of worth, contributed to the greater good of Gor, or done any great deeds in his roleplay that other people can agree is legitimate? Because it takes *other people* to gain honor, wealth and notoriety. You can't do it alone, by yourself, without witnesses that give a damn. I had to learn all this, i'm not pointing anyone out specifically, and i wasn't an easy pupil. I liked the idea of having wimmen at my beck and call, and i liked the idea of having all these benefits with no work.
I had to get the beatings. I had to get the educatiuon. I had to endure the hardships (yes i know it's all online and ain't none of it real, so it wasn't *that* much of a hardship) to get where I am now. I, I unashamedly admit, am a badass in Gor. I know things that 90% of the total population don't, when it comes to the above. Am I bragging? In this moment, yes. Yes I am. Am I better than some? ....yes. Yes I am. But why? Is it the attitude? Is it the physique I imagine my character to have, or the money, or the fact that no one has gotten into my face in a very long time because of the reputation i've made for myself over the years? No.
I was forced to take the time to stop the little imaginary paradise i was in, and to take a look around, and see that there was more to Gor than what my little VTD-infested little hole had. I took the beatings at first because i felt it was some sort of barbaric initiation ceremony, and with bad grace. I had to be sat down and explained to like a child, that i was, essentially, stagnating. What was i doing, but coming into roleplay rooms just to get laid? Was that what I wanted from Gor? Was that all Gor was? Yes I'd read a couple books but I didn't fancy myself a Tarl. Later on, certainly not a Jason. I had to realize that there was more.
So I learned to walk, I learned to defend Home and Stone, I learned to keep my word. I got good at just about everything, once i realised that i could have all what I already had, PLUS everything else, if i just put in a LITTLE more effort. Never did get good at the seamanship but that's ok, raids on land never happened on ships, and bar room brawls didn't happen on the Thassa. It comes off as arrogance, and yes there is indeed some there, but it's from experiencing death walk by you and give you a nod, and surviving really bad situations when there's no reason to keep going. The character has earned the right to strut, he's alive in spite of forces against him. He's made it through training that hardly anyone else in Gor has, now, and yes there's going to be a feeling of superiority.
Because if the compost heap hits the windmill, who has a better chance? Dalamar, or...a random penis holder? And the character knows it and won't hesitate to flaunt it, and that offends people.
As for myself, the guy at the keyboard, I would like to think I'm a nice, helpful kind-hearted guy. I get along with just about everyone I meet, except for easily feelings-hurt snowflakes, which really irritate me. I work in a job where i'm required to help people if they require it, which i gladly do because i like helping people, it makes me feel good to see a smiling face walk away from me I go out of my way sometimes, getting in trouble for customers because of this, and I don't care. I am not the character. I, am not a survivor of any of these aforementioned experiences. It actually bothers me when i can't get along with people in chats, where anonyminity tends to make people act like jackasses when in real life it'd get them a broken nose. So pardon me if i seem angry at any time in this blog post.
Any and every Free Man should have this confidence, this...this attitude. Most don't. Some wander from home to home, appearing at the "main hall door" say "Tal", ask to get served and then leave when there are no obvious slaves in the room and have to do it themselves. Some make a harem, thinking that's Gor, and may the Priest Kings bless their little souls, get owned by the wimmen they own. Seen it happen folks, and all the while the man insists he's in charge. Some prefer to stay in one room, and go nowhere, or maybe one other room. This can be fine, provided there are no other rooms available, but...y'see, people need other people. Else they go weird in the head. And turn into a sort of shut-in, and claim people are "after" them, or "hate" them because for some reason they don't get visitors that want to play. But it's their game, and their rules,and if they don't like it, they can leave, and they do...and don't come back, and the circle continues.
I've seen all this and more. I've got the experience. I've been around and seen a lot of both garbage and wonderment over the years. This roleplay can be so good, if people left where they hide and actually go out to see...things. Get experience. Meet people. I don't mean see who's out there, not like them then vow to never talk to them again because they're a meanieface. You who read this live in realityland, know you can't actually DO that, in realityland, so why should it be any different here? Sadly, it is.
One other thing. I used the word "elitism" or something close, in the previous blog. I as a person do not feel this way about any of the people also reading this blog. I'm not going to apologize if you got your feelings hurt, only you can choose if your feelings are hurt, don't be afraid of words. I am not, and neither should you .
I do not like dancing of any kind, in Gor as we know it. I think, in a nutshell, it's mental masturbation, or just a waste of time. You type you're standing there in one "dance" you're picking flowers, or working in some chore or other, or just writhing. It's not my thing, and I ain't scared to express that. I never saw the point. I know this annoys quite a few slaves, or at least confuses them, because a lot of them do like it, but sorry, I'll pass. Get me something to eat, or drink, instead, I'm probably the only Man to think this way, but hey i'm okay with that. (This edited part I would have added had I remembered and saved it before Buzzen acted in a professional manner.)
Lastly, as for the actual ban...yes I know who did it. I've made mention in the papers i used to be in, about people who hide behind hammers, and get their feelings hurt easily. So, I've this to say:
We used to issue challenges to people like you, and we awaited the eventual answer of, "No, i've better things to do than play swords with people like you.", so i'm not going to throw one your way and watch it fall uselessly to the ground. I stayed out of your way, just as you stayed out of mine in the room, and we had that small, mutual respect. But you threw that away with the hiding behind the hammer, instead of being a Man and bringing the subject up in room or whisper, and coming to me with it directly. All you had to do was ask if that was directed at you and yours, and I'd have said no, and we could have went on our merry separate ways. I am disappointed. You could have done better, Haigan. I wish you had. I'm not really all that angry with you, not that you'd really care, you've already made your mind up I'm a bad person and that's perfectly fine, you're entitled to your opinion, and to express it to whomever'd listen.
But so do I. The thing is, I don't have to spread anything. Your own actions have made you known as "undesireable". But as i said, you don't care. But you should. Because, and this is my opinion, you're stagnating too. Examine yourself, and not just from the standpoint of "I know I'm ok, so meh whatever." As a fellow roleplayer and pretend gorean guy, i'm telling you, something is wrong, and only you can fix it. I could be wrong, it's happened, and if i am, then i'm wrong. But i don't think i am.
Lastly more, apologies to Sana, i posted this without asking if it were okay and accidentally threw in some of her r/l stuff at the top, which will be fixed very shortly. I hope everyone has a good night, day, afternoon, dusk, insert whatever applicable time is appropriate here, enjoys and improves their rp just a little bit more because of what i said here, or at least gains some understanding. I'll leave this blog open-ended for now, to see what stirs from the bottom of the pond. Goodwhatevertimeitis, for now!
