I'll wager the first thing you noticed after reading this, gentle reader, is that I closed the comments. I did this because you have no say in my decisions, and I'm making one here. You will simply have to cope. I'm good at coping, been doing it for a long time. How about you?
I got asked recently if I'd go into a "dishonorable" home, to handle someone else's business. The question wasn't about my handling the issue, but whether i'd actually go into a home considered "disavowed" and "dishonored". Sure I would. Because I know that as a community, we're all we have. The gorean roleplay community here is small, so small. You should all be banding together, finding common ground, enjoying each other's company, roleplaying your little hearts out, and all that hippy-happy-huggy crap. Instead it's cliques everywhere, childish behavior masquerading as 'honorable intentions", gossiping in rooms about people you don't like, and the only people doing anything are the people roleplaying as slaves. The slaves ought to be in charge, since they know more than most of you worthless free. They're doing things, even if it is practically wiping your asses for you. Go out and do stuff for once. Experience things, however much that's possible in a chat room.
A "dishonorable home". I don't have any use for honor (I bet some of you gasped in shock when you read that). I play a man with no home or Caste. Honor can't feed him, clothe him, keep him warm at night, dry when it rains, or pay any bills he might have. And I tell people I don't have any, all the time. So what happens? I get told I got tons, i'm the most honorable man they know, and they heap it on me and glorify me as if i'm some sort of gift the Priest Kings gave to mankind. I tell people i lie, steal, and cheat all the time. Hardly ho one believes me. I'm an "honorable" man, after all. Like I'm lying about lying. It's like why I wear white. No one gets it. But they wonder about the hat. Why? The hat is irrelevant.
Is this all we have, now? Making dualling accusations, backing out of challenges because you don't want to go to a chosen place you got your feelings hurt in, and acting petty and smallminded in blogs? A lot? I gave up all of my other roleplays, for this, back in the 90's. I gave up friends, time i could have spen with family, I've declined to go places with people because they wanted to spend time with me, so I could spend time with you. I helped flound homes, make some of the rules some of you want destroyed, changed or left alone. I've killed other characters, rescued captives, stolen things, lied dozens of times and rarely regretted it, raided, donated to good causes, spent time in rooms pouring my heart out onto the floor...I've tried to make things exciting, and to be a part of all of your lives. I want so much for people to...get along or be civil. But it'll never happen. I know this.
This challenge thing. I backed Haigan because he had the right to choose the location, and also the time within reasonable accomodation for the challenger. If he chooses to not change the location, that is his choice. His unwillingness to change locations to accomodate seems a bit pigheaded but its still his choice. Back in my day the judges would have stepped up and slapped their clients around and got this moving or postponed it based on mutual assholeyness and rescheduled it themselves. "Disavowing" a place because you couldn't get some wimmen collared so you can feel better, is lame. Settle your business. Then come see me when I'm around if you don't like my tossing that out there, and we can settle this, Outlaw to emo baby. I'm not going to fight your battles.
Gimme your candy, kid.
I used to go into rooms with a smidgeon of optimism that maybe something good will happen, maybe there'll be some enjoyable roleplay, maybe there won't be much gossip, or sitting around. Maybe I'll see adults acting like mature people. Maybe I won't have to endure gossip and blogtalk. Maybe I won't have to hear about how evil someone is because they're "dishonorable" or "disavowed". Maybe I won't get asked, and i'm sort of flattered i got asked, to fight a battle on behalf of someone who acted "dishonorably". I shouldn't have to. And I went to CPO last night and told Bashir that if I did, I'd be returning to CPO not long after and I'd not be happy. If it weren't for an oath i made, I'd likely have choked him out last night. If he'd been snippy with me, I'd have abandoned that oath, I was that angry. Now I'm just tired. I tried to tell the man, if they're that dishonorable, then show some and go handle your business. Take the moral high road, i said, and he said he already had. Like stomping on a lit match, bye bye light of optimism.
I gotta say that road's pretty crowded with all those self-righteous people on it.
That "disavowed" room is ran by an old friend of mine. My refusal to go into that room because of this sort of petty bovine faecal matter would shame me, and I feel I've done that enough of that over the past year. He's always welcomed me, and I hope he continues to do so. I used to hate and despise that home back in the day, before i took the time to find out about what it's there for. I considered it weak, pathetic, and naive. It took quite a few years for me to understand the purpose of that place, and it was very simply, a place for people to learn, in relative safety, about the roleplay world of Gor. No it wasn't as dangerous as it should have been, and no it wasn't too exciting to watch people sit around and drink wine all night or slaves wiggle...but it was a good place to learn, to start off at. I could have used such a place, had i not followed a certain person into Port Kar, on my first day. But that's another story. While I don't like certain decisions Cabot made about things gong on in his place, it is indeed his place and his decisions, and those decisions were made. As a Casteless person and a self-avowed criminal in the roleplay i have no say in Vendaran matters. I am not Vendaran. No, say, at, all. He might value my opinion, and probably does, but I'm not the Administrator, and I don't want his job. If I have no say because I'm not a Vendaran, then neither does anyone else have a say. I don't run Vendara, Port Kar, Port Olni, The Gorean Frontier, Fort Haskins, or Helisto. I don't run anything but my wagon, and occasionally the bosk let me steer.
So I have some decisions to make. I will either take a longish break, maybe a few weeks to get back what optimism seems to have been stamped out, or...well we'll get to that in a moment. I know a break will accomplish very little, I'd just end up coming back to the same bovine faecal matter. But I'd have at the last regained a sense of self i don't have at the moment and perhaps some calm. People who have my number will be free to call me, not that it happens much. I am always willing to answer questions, talk about random things and give opinions on things that won't bother my calm. Like the every day clique drama that passes for friendship and roleplay around here. Don't want that.
Or...I begin to issue a series of death match challenges. I am not a Warrior, so I have no real right to issue any, but it's a formality i choose to use so I'll use it. None of the challenged are obligated to answer them, the people are not Warriors and are likewise not obligated to give me the time of day, i realise that. They may choose champions if they wish, I don't care, likely their champion is also on my to-do list so it'll save time. I also happen to know, that there aren't that many of you, I said this already up there. I also know that a very large majority of you can't fight your way out of a wet paper bag. Most of you are incompetent at best. Choosing not to answer the call will not result in a lack of consequences. If it doesn't happen in a venue of the chooser's choice, the choice comes back to me, as the challenger. Not in that i get to choose the place, that's not rulish. But in that I'll come find you. The format used in sparring and honor/death matches isn't the only combat system available, its just the one most publically known. There is another accepted format, and i'm familiar with that one too. The more seasoned of you know what I refer to. It'll be good to see that format dusted off and brought out to amaze and delight the crowds.
Dark times might be coming. Some of you will have to go for the greater good. Perhaps in your time away, you will reflect on your actions that brought you to this point. Maybe you'll be a better person when you come back, and treasure what you had, in your memories, like i do every day I look at the rooms and sigh. I don't want to do this. I've done this before, and it didn't end well for those who stood in the path of my genocide. Please, change your ways. Please I was offered the Scarlet some years ago, to "clean up the Caste and Gor", but i declined. We had more people back then, and more options for change. More villains and corrupt people too, but they were better at hiding themselves.
I will decide in the next couple of days. I will continue to visit the places I visit, and will spend time with those i care about. Maybe people will realise what they have and could lose, and turn into a better community but i'm not going to hold my breath. I know you. Change is only possible for you if you have no other options, and even then you passive-aggressively fight it tooth and nail, crying all the time in blogs. You're gorean roleplayers. That's how you as a group roll. I will not discuss this blog. If you want peace, you will show me in actions. I'm done with words. Words are ineffective against gorean roleplayers.
People are going to dismiss this blog. Good. I want them to. People are going to believe they're not targets. Fine. Others might feel they are and accept it, and wait for me. I might have a drink with them before it, and think twice. I am not an unkind person. Just very tired of the gor rp i helped build get trashed by whiny self-righteous people in their safe rooms and bloggers that think they're the Voice of Gorean Reason., and all should bow down. Well, we'll see won't we.
One last thing before i submit this. Alina temporarily has control of the wagon and its moveability, internal and external contents, livestock, and is given the right to run any sucker down that thinks they can stop her, if i do take the break. And if at any time during my potential break that I hear someone damaged that wagon, or more to the point, damaged her.....I will make Jaquio's depopulation of gor's rp rooms seem like Bucharest on a Monday night. I will hunt some fools down. Like dogs. Do not try me on this. I will come back. Immediately. Or she might take a break with me. Or she might hole up in a room of her choice. I have faith she'll do what's necessary. Including calling me if shyt goes down.
Be well. While you can.