I sat in the hold of yet another ship, going through boxes when a sudden burst of frustration overcame me and I threw the small trinket box I'd been holding - across the ships belly and against the opposite wall, the delicate box intended for jewels and jewelry smashed into a thousand splinters when it hit. The outburst not making me feel any better at all as I buried my face into my palms and tried to breathe through my emotion.
" What. Is. The. Point?" I asked myself in despair. " If everyone else on this whole stinking planet is dead.... why bother? It's just prolonging the inevitable end"
I shed a tear or three then set about recomposing myself. Lifting my head from my hands I took a deep and cleansing breath - filling my lungs with much needed oxygen and pushing the negative thoughts aside -yet again...
I'd been obviously missed or spared for a reason.... I hadn't died when everyone else did and apparently today was also not my day to die... at least not yet.
I abandoned the plan to sort through cargo for a while in favor of getting some sunshine.
Walking along the pier I called for the only sense of joy I'd felt in the entire time since I'd arrived in Port Kar.
The jit, responding gleefully as he scurried and scampered to me then leapt into my arms.
"enough of this for today... lets enjoy the sunshine, I know there is a park along the waters edge and away from the docks that should provide some calm."
I suddenly found myself angry at people for dying, and I didn't want to be around *people* places... I found my way to the park and settled in on a grassy knoll overlooking the Tambur gulf, a pleasing natural setting.
The monkey began playing gleefully on the soft terra, bouncing about and rolling in the warm grass.
I lay back in the warm sunshine on the soft grass, and dozed. A sorely needed dose of Vitamin D soaking through my clothes and flesh. It felt good, and for the briefest moment all was currently right in my tiny corner of this world.
Some length of time later I popped an eye open, looking about with singular vision as I tried to assess where I was and how long I'd been here... the jit was peering down into my face and thoroughly overjoyed that I had woken up...it took me a moment to regain my bearings and remember how I'd gotten here. Despite sleeping at night - it seemed that this whole ordeal was wearing on me in ways I did not quite understand. I puffed air up the jits nose which caused him to recoil and sneeze, and I laughed at him as I sat up.
"Thats what you get for staring at me when I'm sleeping, silly jit."
I ruffled the animals fur then drew my knees to my chest and stared out at the water. The gulf, the Thassa, the Marshes, and the Delta - they'd always been my home, my peace, my consolation. I'd taken to solitary after my Father was slain and cast into the canals... we'd sent his body out to sea as one does in respect for our dead. I reflected on my Father and the times we'd shared growing up, the three of us. My sister Shava had preceded him in death, in Turia.
I leaned back on my elbows and stretched my legs out before me as I further reminisced... I remembered how I'd gone to settle my sisters affairs, and ended up staying to run her inn outside the city, along the beaten path. I remembered Those that passed through and I remembered packing my sisters things and moving them back here to Port Kar.
Before I had moved into my Fathers Den - a place meant for the gathering of his men to plot their targets - I'd taken a place within the city of Port Kar itself... not too far from the Market Square. Life was pretty good then. I was home. Despite missing my sister terribly, I had friends. I had my Father and his band of what I affectionately called "Merry Men" Oh, how they hated when I called them that.
I found myself smiling as I thought back to better times... then the smile fell from my face as I realized that I would probably never see any other Karian I knew, again... I rose to my feet and moved to the waterfront, bending to grab a handful of sand.... this I then sprinkled onto the waters surface and watched the tiny crystals sink into the Tambur bay. A tear slid down my cheek as I honored all those I once knew - who now were forever gone.
"Rest in peace - all of you - wherever you are."
I then gathered my jit and made my way back to the warehouse to prepare for dinner.
