New starts - there are so many types. Sometimes it's just a name change and nothing else - same attitude, same weaknesses, same strengths. Most times, and this is what I understand time-away is supposed to be for, you learn a little about why you ended up dead/retired and try to do better. Sometimes, something happens that changes things.
And even if that thing happens, it's easy to slip back into before. I'd like to tell you a little about my time away -
I woke up one morning to find a strange Screenname in my inbox - a name that has not had positive connotations for me in over 10 years. My thought was - OK lets see what this is all about, and dove in cautiously. After a tense few days hashing over differences both personal and roleplay, gaining different perspectives on events both he and I had incredibly biased versions of, we persevered. As we talked, we started understanding we had some similarities and as much as it surprised both of us, we became friends in this life after having been just fine as enemies through three or four previous. It only worked because we agreed to put down the swords, the preconceptions, and the anger. It took BOTH of us making the effort, when we both had good reasons to tell the other to f@^% right off.
We all know hindsight is 20/20 but I cant help but regret all the years wasted being enemies. We both had very good reasons - at the time. But if we hadnt decided not to live there anymore, there wouldnt have been any change.
I decided as a result of this interaction, I would truly make this a new start - but have found already, its very easy to slip back.
Is it because "those people never change" or "if they didnt say this, I wouldnt say that" or even "if I dont point it out blantantly and loudly, they wont understand?" If those statements sound familiar, that means people control you, and those are simply excuses.
I personally find it hard to stand by and watch people shove their opinions down someone else's throat. I guess if the opinion-ee wants to tell the opinion-er to F*&^ right off, they have as much right to do so as the one stating the opinion as well. If they dont, maybe they have their reasons.
I regret the backslide to my new start, it was definitely not worth it - but there's a saying some of you might know as well: "progress not perfection". I'll take that.
My eyes are open, and a warm thank you to my new friend for helping that to happen.
Gaia
