Unveiling the statue ...

Well, the supported room expired and that means it has been 6 months since I started this new character.   I've found nothing that makes me want to participate *here* in Gorean role play, so I've decided Gaia has expired too.  

Not that I owe anything to anyone, but I've decided to make a statement about an ethos I've felt drawn to over 20 years.  Over time, through experiences that shape and mold you, I've discovered what I was truly looking for in those books:  Men who took their role as provider, protector, and leader seriously and with great reverence and respect to those around him, and as wise steward to the natural environment he existed in. 

Conversely, women like me could then trust in them, and rely on them - so they can focus on the soft skills females seemed better suited for.  In the beginning, I took this as a mandate - now I see it as an ideal that if I come across (stimuli-response), I will know and it won’t likely be called “Gorean” for me.   I have not stopped searching for that ideal, but know I will be OK even if I never find it.  

I had to rethink the "mandate" because I exist in a world that generally doesn’t aspire to those ideals, and I refuse to accept that an appendage (penis) is proper vetting for integrity or honor. In the world of the Gorean books, you aspire to those ideals or perish.  This is a primary fact laid out time and time again within each book’s scenarios, spare me the "exceptions” and “if they exist” then …

I find "storylines" and "characters" are not enough for me unless I know behind them, are people I would respect, admire and want to emulate. It’s really about the people for me, the friendships – and then the role play.  If it’s different for you there’s nothing wrong with that – but for me, this is how I’ve found it has to be. 

So what am I then?  A woman who has had to discover again just what that means to me – though I am not ready to name it because I am not yet fully sure and I dont know yet what thats going to look like – and that doesn’t work in Gorland. But one thing I do know for sure is that I do not fit into the two stations allowed and will not continue to fight inner dissonance to try.  

I’m here, and I have friends here I do not want to lose so I am not going away.  If you are my friend, you will know who I am – either from me, or my new profile but no links here - the woman who fit here, is no more.  And scavenger hunts are fun!!

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

~ Anais Nin ~

Never judge someone's character based on the words of another. Instead, study the motives behind the words of the person casting the bad judgement. An honest woman can sell tangerines and remain a good person until she dies,  but there will always be naysayers who will try to convince you otherwise. Perhaps this woman did not give them something for free, or at a discount. Perhaps too, that she refused to stand with them when they were wrong — or just stood up for something she felt was right. Always trust your heart. If the Creator stood before a million men with the light of a million lamps, only a few would truly see him because truth is already alive in their hearts. Truth can only be seen by those with truth in them. He who does not have Truth in his heart, will always be blind to her.

~Suzy Kassem, Rise Up and Salute the Sun: The Writings of Suzy Kassem~

The journal entry below was written January 7, 2018 upon stepping away from the r/l Gorean community - I think this completes things.

Growth always comes full circle.

Am I Gorean?

I used to think so. As so many have experienced, evolution and change come from life lessons and at times leave you forever altered. Things you held ferociously close need to be re-examined in light of who you are now, not what you were then.

Within the process, it is difficult to know how your final thoughts will gel and formulate until you accept the new belief. Sometimes the new is based on the old, sometimes the experience is so radically different the old is a mere memory within the new.

There is also the disparity between the real world vs. the online world. When I read the books originally, there was no online community. When I found out there were other people interested in the concepts I had been reading about, I dove in headfirst and tried as best I could to experience (if only in my heart) what I had read. At the time, that was all I had.

Since I am in a different position now, one that allows me to experience whatever I choose to experience, it behooves me to be a little more careful than that. Since I have also experienced the darker side of the online community - fanatics, poseurs, blowhards and general predators - I had to really examine what keeps me attached to these concepts when I have all but checked out of the community that I feel creates a mockery of the concepts which originally resonated with me, and brought me here.

So back to the question: "Am I Gorean?"

For me personally, there is too much negative attached to the word "Gorean" for me to take seriously in any context. If that's so, then why am I still drawn to the things that might make one "Gorean"? I think I finally have an answer - actually, a few answers.

*I relate to the gender-role concepts that are at the base of the series. Not so much the Master/slave aspect, but the male/female relational aspects.

*I am fundamentally and instinctively drawn to the ideal of strong, uncompromising men described in the books - who will lead, shape and celebrate a strong, capable woman. Strong + strong = Stronger.

*I believe in the female's innate natural need to submit to one stronger than herself and truly believe that is how females in particular are hardwired.

*I believe men also have a natural need to lead, protect and support, and are most fulfilled when they are doing so - who understand the responsibility this role entails and revel in it.

In the beginning of my online journey, I saw the embodiment of these concepts all over the place and believed every person who participated in the Gorean community was there for the same reason I was. For a time. Rose-colored glasses and naivete' are my only excuse. Funny thing is, the more I became involved in the online community, the more my thinking focused on what other people thought and whether or not they agreed with me, rather than the ideals that attracted me - and far too much focus on the negative. When you are passionate about something one of your natural reactions is to discuss and share in hopes of improvement on all sides - unfortunately, you find that is not everyone else's end game.

Are online Goreans - "Gorean"?

Frankly for me, it doesn't matter anymore.

I am happy and content in my beliefs, and will act on them when the stimulus, and time - is right.

Am I "Gorean"?

No.

I do not accept every single concept as relevant to my world view - and will not be pigeon-holed into a category by those that insist on an all-inclusive philosophy.

I believe what I believe regarding Gorean concepts, but it is not all that I believe.