I am afraid. Of everything. Life in the gardens seemed so easy. I hadn’t realized how much I’d learned there. It had never seemed like a chore. But now…
There’s so much I don’t know. I used to know what I needed to. How to sew. How to cook (though admittedly that still needs some work). How to clean. How to read and write (though there are still so many words I do not know).
I never knew how to dress a man. How to clean his weapons. How to please him in the furs. How to provide relief when his cock swelled. I had never known men even existed.
Perhaps I was better off for it. I remember Master Burl once telling me that whatever fate had awaited me in Thentis, it would have been far worse than I could have imagined.
What is worse than being alone? My thoughts wander often to Ilithia. I wonder if she misses me as much as I miss her. Does she look at the stars, pointing out their hidden pictures to another now? Or does she think of the time we had.
I am inept in this new life. Perhaps that is why Master Burl tried to kill me. And why my Jarl is often away on business. Or maybe it’s because I am a substandard reminder of a slave he once loved.
I hear the crackling of a fire. I’m cold. I think I forgot to fill the woodboxes…
