Please Hear What i'm Not Saying
don't be fooled by me
don't be fooled by the face i wear
for Iwear a mask...a thousand masks
masks that i'm afraid to take off
and none of them is me
pretending is an art that's second nature with me
but don't be fooled
for God's sake don't be fooled
i give you the impression that i'm secure
that all is sunny and unruffled with me
within as well as without
that confidence is my name and coolness my game
that the water's calm and i'm in command
and that i need no one
but don't believe me
my surface may be smooth but
my surface is my mask
ever-varying and ever-concealing
Beneath lies no complacence.
Beneath lies confusion, and fear, and aloneness
But i hide this i don't want anybody to know it
i panic at the thought of my weakness exposed
that's why i frantically create a mask to hide behind
a nonchalant sophisticated facade
to help me pretend
to shield me from the glance that knows
but such a glance is precisely my salvation
my only hope...and i know it
that is...if it is followed by acceptance
if it is followed by love
it's the only thing that can liberate me from myself
from my own self-built prison walls
from the barriers that i so painstakingly erect
it's the only thing that will assure me
of what i can't assure myself
that i'm really worth something
but i don't tell you this...i don't dare to...i'm afraid to
i'm afraid you'll think less of me
that you'll laugh...and your laugh would kill me
i'm afraid that deep-down i'm nothing
and that you will see this and reject me
so i play my game...my desperate...pretending game
with a façade of assurance without
and a trembling child within
so begins the glittering but empty parade of masks
and my life becomes a front
i tell you everything that's really nothing
and nothing of what's everything
of what's crying within me
so when i'm going through my routine
do not be fooled by what i'm saying
please listen carefully and try to hear what i'm not saying
what i'd like to be able to say
what for survival i need to say
but what i can't say
i don't like hiding
i don't like playing superficial phony games
i want to stop playing them.
iwant to be genuine and spontaneous and me
but you've got to help me
you've got to hold out your hand
even when that's the last thing i seem to want
only you can wipe away from my eyes
the blank stare of the breathing dead
only you can call me into aliveness
each time you're kind...and gentle...and encouraging
each time you try to understand because you really care
my heart begins to grow wings ~~
very small wings
but wings!
with your power to touch me into feeling
you can breathe life into me
i want you to know that
i want you to know how important you are to me
how you can be a creatoran honest-to-God creator
of the person that is me
if you choose to
you alone can break down the wall behind which i tremble
you alone can remove my mask
you alone can release me from the shadow world of panic
from my lonely priso
if you choose to
please choose to
do not pass me by
it will not be easy for you
a long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls
the nearer you approach me
the blinder i may strike back
it's irrational...but despite what the books may say about women
often i am irrational
i fight against the very thing i cry out for
but i am told that love is stronger than strong walls
and in this lies my hope
please try to beat down those walls
with firm hands but with gentle hands
for a child is very sensitive
who am i...you may wonder?
i am someone you know very well
for i am every man you'll meet
and i am every woman you'll meet