phantomsangelofmusic

People
are mirrors through which one sees their self. If the mirror is
broken and shattered, the image that comes back is distorted. If the
mirror is true and good, then one can see one self as one truly is.
But seeing yourself as you truly are is a dangerous thing, for if you
cannot accept yourself, as you are, faults and gifts alike, then you
yourself become a distorted mirror, reflecting onto others all the
anger and hatred you see in yourself. It is only by accepting
yourself, flaws and faults alike, that you can see yourself for who
you are, and begin to see others as they are, and accept them in
their entirety. I am a submissive, I submit. I live to love and serve
and please, I am happy when others are happy. I choose my mirrors
carefully, no longer wishing to see a distorted image, that I am bad,
or wrong or a failure of some sort, simply because I do not follow
the rules of society, which prizes conflict over cooperation,
competition over caring - Hatred, over Love. Now the question
becomes, what sort of mirror are you?
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I
was 19 when I wrote that. New to the lifestyle, and just learning to
accept who I was, learning to accept that it's okay to be different.
I'm 22 now. Three years have gone by, and oh, how things have
changed. In recent times, someone has taken what amounts to a
Louisville slugger to my mirror, and left me, not only shattered, but
wounded, and alone to pick up the broken pieces of my hopes and
dreams, my life, “All by me onesy” as the fantabulous Captain
Jack would say.
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'Tisn't
fair, truly it isn't... that someone can waltz into another person's
life, sow chaos and destruction in their path, wreak havoc, and then
vanish leaving that person alone to fight the trauma and the turmoil.
To go on living their lives, wondering, how by all the Gods and all
that is good and holy in the world, how are they ever going to
survive? How are they ever going to clean up the mess?
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But
life's not about fair, is it? Life's not a piece of cake, it's not
simple, or right, karma may kick someone's ass from time to time, but
I don't really see the three fold rule working, at least not like
I've always heard about it. Or maybe I'm just on the receiving end.
I've screwed people over in this life, or maybe this is from a past
one, who knows? Certainly not me, I don't pretend to. It's not my
place.
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And
then someone else can walk into your life... maybe someone who was
always there, all along, in the shadows, skulking in a corner,
watching from a distance, either too afraid to get close, or unable
to for love of someone else. And just when it seems your life is
falling down around you, when you think all hope is lost, they step
out of the shadows, wrap their arms around you, and let you know
everything is okay. Perhaps they let you cry on their shoulder, when
normally you're too proud to let anyone see you shed a tear, perhaps
they offer healing, or advice, or someone to cling to in the night so
you're not sitting bolt upright in bed screaming to the heavens in
fear as memory washes over you.
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Someone
did these things for me, someone helped me to heal, and has helped me
stay sane. I know I owe that person more than my life, more than any
one person should ever owe to another, I am eternally grateful, and
eternally indebted to that person. And by all I hold holy and dear, I
mean to let that person know, every day for as long as I draw breath,
how much they mean to me. How much everyone who has helped me through
this means to me.

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For
all those out there who have born with me, stood by me, through my
emotions, through my issues and insanity, I can only offer my
sincerest gratitude, and acknowledge myself in your debt. For those,
who felt the brunt of my anger, whom I treated inappropriately, or
seemed to have turned my back on, I can only apologize, sincerely and
humbly, knowing it will never be enough. I expect that I have
probably lost friends, if not outright made enemies, and I understand
that it is well deserved, with no one but my own self to blame.


Opera; Broadway; fantasy books; the supernatural;  For more info about certain interests please see my above rant on Mirrors.

Reading, writeing, ranting about my thoughts on life.

Love is a fleeting Rose, beautiful for a time, but the flower fades, and the thorns remain