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My thoughts drifted to Scar, to the man who now held my future in his hands, and my heart softened at the mere thought of him. I loved him. There was no uncertainty in that, no hesitation, no need to question what my heart had already chosen. I wanted to be pleasing to him, to learn the things that brought him satisfaction, to understand what he expected of me without always needing him to explain it. I wanted to see the approval in his icy eyes, to hear the quiet weight of his praise, and to know that I had done well by the man I loved.
I wanted to make him proud of the woman he had claimed. I wanted to learn his ways, to listen when he spoke, to heed his wishes, and to discover how best to serve him. There was so much I did not yet understand about being his, but I wanted to understand. I wanted to give him reason to be pleased with me, not through fear or uncertainty, but because pleasing him had become something my heart genuinely desired. I wanted to know the things he liked, the things that brought him comfort, and the little ways I might make his days easier. I wanted to be the woman whose presence he welcomed, whose touch he sought, and whose devotion he never needed to doubt.
I wondered what it would feel like to settle into my place at his side, to no longer approach every moment between us as something to be won or lost, but to simply be with him. To learn from him. To follow his lead and take pride in doing so. I wanted to become familiar with his expectations until pleasing him came as naturally as breathing, and I wanted to discover the satisfaction that might be found in knowing I had fulfilled them. If he wished me quiet, I would learn when silence pleased him. If he wished me attentive, I would give him my attention. If there were things he wished to teach me, I wanted to be willing to learn.
Most of all, I wanted him to be happy with me. I wanted him to look at me and know that his Panther was trying, that beneath my wildness was a heart that belonged to him willingly, a heart that wanted to give rather than constantly resist. I would still be Melete, with all the fire and ferocity that had always been mine, but I wanted to learn how to turn that fierce devotion toward him. I wanted to be his comfort when the world wearied him, his warmth when the northern cold settled around us, and the woman who greeted his return with a glad heart.
I loved my Master, and I wanted to show him in all the ways I had yet to learn. Today would bring another opportunity to understand him better, to listen more carefully, and to discover another way to please him. I would meet those opportunities with an open heart and a willing spirit, determined to become a woman he could look upon with pride. I wanted to belong in his world, to understand my place within it, and to make that place something neither of us would wish to be without.
And when Scar looked upon me, I wanted him to see not merely the woman he owned, but the woman who loved him enough to want to be everything he desired in his girl, and his kajira.
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